Quiet and common notions...shared here...with you! Of life ~ our hearts and our home.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

So why does marriage take such "heart" work, anyway? (Part one)

Because it just does.

 How is that for cliche?



Taking a hint from the response of this post, I felt I should go a bit deeper into the reasons why I feel marriage (in general) takes such hard work.  And, in order to go there - several more posts will likely come out of this, so bear with me.

And, I just want to say on the outset of this dainty topic... I am no expert on this subject (my husband and I have only been married five short years)...so anything I say or share in this post and others, is truely of our own experience... and is still in growing mode, to state the obvious.

Hard work in a marriage means making every effort; doing your part to making it come together.

That is why, I like to call it "heart" work.  And, we fail each other A LOT!!  You hear the phrase, "yeah well, this ain't for the faint of heart".  In marriage, that's exactly what God likes to see; hearts that are faint, SOFT, pliable, humble, moldable....and his favorite.... broken.


If we only invest 50% into our marriage - in just a short while, it will not only look like it, but it will be a half-hearted marriage (we may not even notice this ourselves) but others looking on will.  We never really see where we're falling short.   We just don't.  It's always easier to see the "faults" of others sooner then we see our own.  Like Scott likes to say; "A skunk don't smell his own stink".

But. There are a lot of eyes watching and observing (& noses smelling trouble). Especially, our children. Even friends and family... are not exempt from noticing how we as a couples are working out our marriage's.  I don't believe we think about this enough - particularly as Christian couples.  And, I feel that just knowing this fact is a huge responsiblity in and of itself.  Don't read what I'm not saying.  I'm not talking about trying to be all self-righteous about it, but rather instead be truely geniune; honestly caring about how or what our marriages are portraying.  Hopefully it's, JESUS!!

I know, as a young single woman, I was intentionally watching people, just to see what I could learn from them before I got married.  Obviously I would "watch" my parents and my grandparents.  But there were other couples, that I observed, as well.  And as a single gal - I learned quickly what things I wanted to be sure to "work on", to implement, into my marriage - should that day ever come.  And, to be honest... there were plenty of things that I was praying about, that we (whoever "we" were, at the time - because any marriage at all was still in question) would work on; making sure to stay clear of ...by not letting "this or that" creep in.

Here are just a few of those postive and not-so-positive grey areas or things:
  1. Communication. (making/keeping it intentional)
  2. Expectations/Never to take each other for granted.
  3. Going to bed angry. 
  4. Pray for our spouse.  (Learn my secret!)
  5. Using our manner's with each other.  (Eph. 4:32)
These are probably the TOP-FIVE areas for our marriage, and I'm sure you can relate to all or at least identify with one of these five listed. 

Does this mean that "the crud" has never crept into our marriage?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!   Are we perfect?  No!  Will we ever be perfect and not have to concern ourselves with "getting it right"?  Not, while living here on this earth.  Can we do better?  Yes, we can!!   Do I want to?  Yes.  And, so does Scott.  In fact, quite recently, we were talking about the post that got this post started.  And, we were both quick to confess to each other, our failure(s) of not "gazing into each other's eyes" enough.  It was sweet.


I'll be back tomorrow, to take you into our realm of Communiciation.... what it is and what it's not.

: : photo taken back in courtship days...

1 comment:

  1. Great post! I have been married for 16 years and I don't think we ever stop learning how to love our spouses better.

    ReplyDelete

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