Quiet and common notions...shared here...with you! Of life ~ our hearts and our home.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

another layer to the surface... {part 2}

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"There's nothing better then a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate." ~ Linda Grayson

Oh my goodness.  I never expected yesterday's post to chain react into a Part Two.  But here it is.

First off.  Thank you for listening.  Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable yourself and share your thoughts.  I knew I wasn't alone.  I so appreciate your wisdom... many of you shared things I'm still chewing on.  Treasuring up and pondering.  So good.

I replied to most of you via email.  My "reply link" is broken within the threaded comments (on my blog) or else I would've responded to you all through that... as to have a conversation back and forth.  For those that didn't hear back from me (yet)... I thought I would "talk" my thoughts out to you through this post.   There is so much to expound on and to clear the air about. (smile!)


First things first.  I do have friends. Lots of friends. Good friends.  Maybe not as buddy-ish as one would expect or what I would wish us to be.  One or two buddy friends is good.  I agree.  I love that wording.  Buddy friends, and then there are "Friend" friends.  (thanks to LeAnna - a commentor from yesterday's post.)  That completely explained what I was trying to say.  Or the lack thereof.

One thing that I explained to one of my good friends is this... (as she was asking me to "explain yourself  a bit better"). (She's "nerdy" -inside joke-  like that and needed to completely understand.)  (In other words ... she was confused with me.  And, who wasn't?)

I'm good at "good friend" scenarios because they're out there at arm's length.  The questions I ask myself, are these...Is it me that keeps them there?  Or do they (on their own) stay there because that is what is "safe" for them?

Friendship is risky.  WE WILL GET HURT.

I know.  I've been there.  Fairly Recent.

Kathy commented... how she currently finds herself in a very iffy friendship.  She's not sure how to handle it or what the outcome will be.

I shared with her that I too got hurt really bad from a close friend/family member.  I literally had to choose to forgive that person.  Love them from a distance.  Wait.  Pray.  Pray some more.  Forgive - over and over.  Not jump to conclusion - due to the fact that this "hurt" all stemmed from here sayThat fine grey line of gossip is a horrible thing.
 And you know what...?
It's over.  Meaning the angst of that friendship is over.  It's not perfect, not even close to what it once was...but it's getting there.  Closer.  To being better.  It's all because of the Lord and his kindness.

It was hard.

From the comments yesterday... Carissa hit the nail on the head when she said about it having a lot to do with our personalities. We all need friends differently.  You see.  I am a 100% born and bred introvert.  I would love for me to grow in my "extrovertiness" side (not a word, word.  But I'm using it).  I think this is another part of my brewed up, with a side o' vulnerability post yesterday.  I see "other" friends - buddy friends - ones attached at the hip.  It looks charming.  Easy.  Comfortable.  They're laughing.  Giddy.  Up close in each other's face...in a good way.  It's obvious they're more then good gal friends.  They're chums.  I love that word, too. (One we never use anymore.) 

But this is where that link came in.  The one from the Proverbs 31 Ministries- devotional.
(I hope you got a chance to read it). 

It's not every one's package deal.  It really does have a lot to do with a person's make up and personality.  What they are is their package deal... and we have to deal with it.  Learn to appreciate it for what it is and nothing more or less.

I'm not naturally - all of the time - an extrovert. I want to be.  HOWEVER I know I need to be comfortable in my better-dressed introvert skin...still be me... be real... be a good close friend (chummy) with one or two...and a "friend" friend (with my dry, quick-witty sense of humor, my warm friendly smile, my reservedness, staying on the surface and goodwill- come across as an "extrovert"...) to the 50,000 others that I know.
I want you all to know that I truly do value any and all friends that I have.  And if you only knew the struggle that came my way -after I hit publish, yesterday.  Wowzers!  I really honestly thought I would have to sing this song for the rest of the day.  My entire life, maybe?

"Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  Guess I'll go eat worms..." 
(Remember that can of worms - I felt I'd opened?)
I'd be singing this, loud and clear, especially if no one shared anything.  You did though.  You shared your thoughts.  I overwhelmingly felt your moral support to my quandary. You didn't leave me hanging out to dry.

In closing, I just want to share a (timely?) quick FUNnie with you.  I thought it was, at least.

My 3 year old daughter, just now, took a spill out on the front porch off her lil pink scooter.
She was crying and of course I went out to see what was the matter.
I scooped her up and without missing a beat (she must have smelled it on my breath) says in her teary, hurting voice.  "I want some chocolate".As though chocolate makes it all better.  Apparently so.
She made me laugh so hard.  Even to say it with a tear in my eye, as I gave her a big hug squeeze..."Mommy needs some chocolate too."  I helped myself to another...
I couldn't possibly let her know that I had ALREADY hit up the stash of leftover Easter Candy, hidden in a different cabinet...and I mean stash!  Even though she smelled the evidence.

This is what friends do. Right?

We pass around the chocolate, the tissues and our hugs... as we know as women, we can't live without either of the three.

1 comment:

  1. "I'm not naturally - all of the time - an extrovert. I want to be. HOWEVER I know I need to be comfortable in my better-dressed introvert skin...still be me... be real... be a good close friend (chummy) with one or two...and a "friend" friend (with my dry, quick-witty sense of humor, my warm friendly smile, my reservedness, staying on the surface and goodwill- come across as an "extrovert"...) to the 50,000 others that I know." Yup - now the nerd understands.......

    "We pass around the chocolate, the tissues and our hugs... as we know as women, we can't live without either of the three." Um..... no - four. CINNAMON BUNS!!!!!!!!

    Over here wishing we were there....



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