Quiet and common notions...shared here...with you! Of life ~ our hearts and our home.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Finding Rest

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Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:  and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  ~ Matthew 11: 28-30 (KJV)

This morning found me reading and being reminded that I can find REST only in my Saviour.

I'm going to get pretty honest and heavy here, this morning.   I hope you don't mind...?

I have not had a good weekend.  But OH! was it ever grace-filled and overflowing...with good things, all at the same time.  Irregardless of how I felt... which was awful and not good... God was faithful to use friends and family and situations and a sweet little Valentine Card - all the way from TN ;) and songs.  Neat songs.  To encourage me and lift me up.

I was not feeling well.  I still am not - as of today.  I'm pretty sure I've narrowed it down to feelings of anxiety.  But before that - I was going down the bunny trails of stomach cancers and pancreatic issues... (don't laugh)
I've dealt with this before... so I'm aware that the physical symptoms of anxiety are not fun.

The constant pit-in-the-stomach, feelings of nausea.
Headaches - that won't be calmed or leave.
It hurts to smile.
I just want to close my eyes and make it all go away.
I'm snappy.  Punchy.  Tired.
I eat because I'm hungry but then I feel sick afterwards...

The worry.
The questions.
The concerns.

Things that are not even mine to bear. While reading on the online news that someone - a mom - had committed suicide, yesterday, leaving two little ones behind (one of them being a baby at that); that just sent my feelings into a tailspin of emotion. It was gut-wrenching.  Feeling that while reading - caught me off guard.  I think that bothered me more than the story line...

I feared my own what-ifs.  My hormones play my emotions like an Orchestra out of tune.  My period cycle was "weird", this time but still on cycle.  My tubes have been tied...so I'm not pregnant - but what if?  What if I'm the 1 in 300 - when that doesn't work?  (Although, that possibility should have happened a long time ago.)  My hubby was teasing me that I could be - because I was snoring one night.  I NEVER snore unless I'm prego.  I was spilling and dropping stuff the other day... again, the comments came that this could just be a possibility...oh, funny.  But it worries me... those what-ifs... and so they mound up.  Overwhelmingly so.

I hear and see so many people hurting and yet, so am I...
There are a lot of changes going on in my world.  My friends worlds.  Things like: my cousins six year old little boy recently diagnosed with stage 4 Acute Leukemia, another friends 12 yr. old little gal diagnosed with glaucoma, people moving and changing or loss of jobs, Will my hubby pass his next exam for school?, my own son in his schooling, my upcoming (still unscheduled) surgery...
Again -these are all things out of my control and yet, it is change.  Change isn't easy for me.

My husband has been working so hard to care and provide and his own list filters onto mine.  When conversation is slim - due to busyness - and we're too tired to think straight at the end of the day, it affects. (In other words...the skies are not always blue.)

Marriage is nothing but heart-work.

So, over the past couple of days, this weekend, etc. there has been a mountain of dark and heavy on one side and an even higher pile of light and easy on the other.  But. It's here in the valley, that He restores my soul.  Psalm 23.  (More on this another time.)
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I think this is where the fence row of grace  also comes into play.

Sometimes, when it seems you can see no further than the wall in front of you...
Know this.  His Grace can still reach through and touch you. 

My Lord has me in the palm of His hand.  I have been assigned my portion and my cup. My lot is secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.(Psalm 16:5-6)

 He knows what's going on.

The lines of this hymn continue to bless me... and I hope they will you, too.

"I heard the voice of Jesus say,
'Come unto Me and rest;
Lay down, thou weary one, lay down,
Thy head upon My breast.' 
I came to Jesus as I was,
Weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place,
And He has made me glad."
  -Horatius Bonar

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, today... 

I told you it would honest and heavy

11 comments:

  1. Praying for you Bevy. I am in a similar place and your words encouraged me and lifted me up.

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. I'll be praying for you as well.

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  2. Oh dear friend - this is transparency at it's finest. What a brave woman of faith you are!! Praying like crazy - would you join me in praying against anxiety - a prayer to bind fear from the precious children of God? As you beautifully pointed out - this is a tough season for so many. We fight not against flesh and blood, but against powers in the spiritual realm. This kind of battle takes place on our knees - personally becoming more and more convicted that I need to be more like the persistent widow than I have been as of late. Thank you for sharing your heart and words of encouragement - I had never read nor heard that hymn before. It is beautiful. What a way to end a difficult post - pointing with surety to Him. Love you!

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    1. Friend, I know you're praying (for me! and others)... thank you.
      I'll join you...

      in prayer.

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  3. Hi Bevy.. We have our days sometimes, don't we? But He is always in the midst of our storm waiting for us to lean on Him..
    Loved your song and praying that God will bless you with his peace..
    Take care, dear friend..

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    1. Thanks Faye. I remember writing that in one of my comments ,to you - He's in the midst of our storm.

      Thanks for the reminder...

      You're right. So right.

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  4. Bevy,
    I'm standing next to you now, with my arm around your shoulder, rubbing the back of your arm and shedding a tear with you. I too have a tendency to bear others burdens. I heard about that woman and haven't been able to stop thinking about her, what drove her to that point, her family and those precious babies left to figure life out without a mom. I too fear the cancer thing, everyday!! I fear for my children, I fear losing my parents. I fear getting into an accident, the fate of our country and the list goes on...and on. But, my fears get me nowhere. It's something I fight every day.
    Thanks for your encouraging words. I love that verse. It's one that has helped me through many a tough time.
    Hang in there my friend. Hang in there.

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    Replies
    1. I know.
      I knew I could count on you to "encourage" me - once again.
      You are such a blessing my friend.

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  5. Oh Friend - I'm sorry! Sorry you are feeling so heavy and down cast! I know the struggles of anxiety! The Lord is doing a work in me on that - but it's hard. I just feel for you Bevy - I'll be praying for you! ♥ I am learning to put all my trust in the Lord fist and leave it there...it's not a easy lesson and I am constantly learning it...and re-learning it! I pray He surrounds you in His love, comfort and presence. I pray He wraps you in His amazing care, sweet rest and beautiful love!

    The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him.
    Nahum 1:7

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  6. Bevy~ I'm by way a little late on this post. But, know that you are in my thoughts today. May God strengthen you and keep you.
    XO

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  7. Bevy, it is good to bare our souls at times like this. I have been where you are many times. I will pray that the Lord will bind up your anxiety.

    Oh Lord, fill Bevy with your peace that passes all understanding. Fill her with the knowledge that you are there waiting for her to rest in Your arms. Cover her with a comfort that only comes from You. You Lord Are the God of all comfort and for that we thank and praise you!

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