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For the record, I posted a poll on my social media page, the other day, and asked what people would say, in first response, to the question - What Do You Do? I got a varied span of responses, some were confused (reading too much into the question) and others surprised me, by their answers. Here is the backstory...
**
It had been a beautiful night for sleeping; cooler than lately... and I had slept great! Except, that...
I awoke this particular Monday morning filled with a restlessness and angst. Weary of the feelings I've been having lately. A sense of wanting to throw in the towel, yet hang on for dear life to things that remain a huge part of me and "my line". And, that being... what it is that I do.
I love my husband, a lot, I'm so grateful to God for him in my life... but there is (and, has been for awhile) something missing. I miss - us! A bond; a connection, that has slipped off into la-la land. So part of my wrestling is me thinking - "What is my part to play to finding that again?" (Don't worry. He and I have talked about this - so he knows I'm sharing this.) :)
So, here I am. Stretching and waking up. I roll out of bed; sitting on the edge... I pick up a book** from out of my bedside table. (at the moment, not really sure I know why I pick this one up!) I literally thumb through the pages - stopping at a chapter of which the title, that at first read (probably in my sleepiness), made absolutely no sense. I paused long enough to reread and this time - it grabbed me!
I actually read through the chapter, now, and the aha light kept getting brighter. This was it!! This author was definitely on to something.
What I've never said... was a link to what and why I was feeling the way I was feeling about us - meaning my husband and I.
Basically, the gist of this chapter is what "woke me up". When someone asks what it is that we do? How often do we automatically go to our job and our vocation to explain what we do followed by being a mom of three (as an example) and so on - as though that is our first and top priority - never mentioning our spouse? The author suggests that - as he had learned from an older persons response to this question: "I sure do love my (spouse's name!)" - that our spouse needs to be part of our top three!
I'm going to derail for a moment and say this. I've been going through a lot of personal growth, with my home based business, lately and one thing I've learned is that the words we say to ourselves; in our subconscious; over our teams and our businesses, etc. matter. So, this was making sense to me. WHY do we not speak more about what we do - in a literal sense. And - by giving my hubby his place as first in what I'm all about. then my family, my home and my business...
Something like this.
Question: So, what do you do?
Answer: I get to love on and serve alongside my husband Scott....!! Together, we have three beautiful blessings... I'm a stay-at-home, new-to-homeschooling, mamma - who happens to also have a home based business on the side... etc.
Why do we save "us" as a leftover thought? It's like we're married after the dishes are done and the house is settled. It's like we're married after the yard is mowed and the toys get tinkered with and the honey-do list is tackled. It's like we're married only after the bills are paid, the house work settled and the homework is checked? The kids get all the immediate conversation and plans or schedule created around and then we're "married"....with not much energy left over but a head sunk deep into the pillows and "lights are out"....
If I literally only flipped the script...?
I'm wondering if my heart would be more at peace about how I'm feeling, about us as a couple, overall?
So, back to this quick poll that I did on FB... like I mentioned, I was surprised by some of the answers. This is and was NO WAY a put down to anyone. I simply wanted to see if anyone would include their spouse - as part of their immediate response.
Heart-warming to read, there were one or two that mentioned their spouse in their top three.
**
My point being in ALL of this... marriages are on the brink today - for many, varying reasons. Too many, of them. Sadly, it is a slow fade and I don't want that to be part of my story. I want to be aware. Intentional. I want US to be together - till death do us part. And, while our days don't always go down perfectly - at the end of the day - we hold hands together (Praying, often falling asleep together, side-by-side!) that even though we may not always be in agreement on things... the one thing, that is true, is that we are together as "US".
Thinking about each other first. Professing our love for one another, to others, as something that we do, (a.k.a. Do What You Love!) - may be part of what it takes to flipping the script. Amen?
(photo credit: Unsplash)
Thank you for reading!!! I appreciate it.
**The book: Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas
So much truth in these words you shared today. I feel many times once we are married it just becomes the daily grind, and "US" is pushed on the back burner. I have to share a little story.. I worked at Walmart for many, many years there was this beautiful lady in her 80's that worked in Health and Beauty department. No matter when you saw her she was smiling, or if she was talking she was sharing about "Robert".. Her husband.. It was always good content and with a smile. One day while having lunch it was just the two of us. So I asked her, Phyllis how do you keep your marriage so in the forefront of your days and was it always like this? She first said, No not always but mostly.. then she said we never forgot to remember our boyfriend/girlfriend days. She went on to tell me that "Robert" never got lazy, never stopped chasing her even after the I do's. I said what about when the children came along? She said, "Robert" was always first on her list and she was always first on Roberts list.. She went on to say, the rest was just shared.. She ended with you must be intentional daily and never forget that you had him and he had you before all the other stuff including children. I will never forget that conversation and try to follow as much as possible.. I fail many times over but for me I try to stir up conversation with my husband of the days gone by, the special places we shared, and make couple time important each week. So as for US we still hold hands, kiss, and make time to just be TOGETHER.. It really helps.. We have been together since 1988 and married since 1993.. and we have weathered some pretty rocky storms but we are better because of it. Remember why you are together and focus strongly on what made each of you say YES to that Vow.. Loved this today.. and Love you guys..
ReplyDeleteConnie, this is seriously the best story ever. It totally made me tear up. THANK YOU - for sharing this. I'm blessed to have you here in this space as a constant friend and encourager. Blessings to you and yours....Do what you love!
DeleteSo much Truth, in your blog post.
ReplyDeleteI love how you open yourself to us. We can stop and think about the reality of your emotions and feel it, because we've been. You have the ability to expose your heart. Not many of us do this, me included.
Now to Connie: Thank you for sharing your experience with Phyllis and letting us in on her wisdom. So much to glean from old and wise women.
Yes, go and do what you love!
You have such a passion for writing! You take a simple subject and turn it into a lesson for ALL to learn from.
ReplyDeleteThis post we got a 2'fer! Yours and Connie's wisdom, taught with in a story!